Looking after your mental health doesn’t have to start with a crisis. A psychotherapist shares five simple questions that can help you spot problems early and build better daily habits.
We men have never been great at looking after our mental health. There’s many reasons for this of course, from stigma through to a general lack of awareness and education of mental health and wellbeing issues; but still mental health statstics are bleak viewing.
When it comes to physical health, we’re far more aware of what we need to do to be and to feel well. Daily stretches, movement, and diet are often what we base our routines around and a similar approach can be taken to wellbeing.
The benefits of having a daily wellbeing routine are similar to its physical counterpart. Noticing how we feel and doing what we can to look after ourselves if there are any tensions or discomforts is much better than carrying on and waiting for a bigger issue to arise.
Interested? Great! We spoke to Helen Wells, psychotherapist and clinical director at The Dawn Rehab Thailand to get a sense of what she says are the essential questions, and the ways in which we can work with them to feel better. They can be used as journalling prompts, too.
Five questions to check in on our wellbeing
What’s my overall mood today?
Are you feeling steady, or not so great? What mood are you in generally? Are you irritated, anxious? Often, we can then consider what to do to help this mood. If these less ideal moods persist, they might point to a mental health issue that we should seek help for.
What might be influencing how I feel?
Before assuming something is psychologically wrong, we should look at practical causes. Bad sleep, a slightly chaotic diet, too much alcohol, can all affect our mood – and “the reversal can just be a case of addressing the balance in life. If these changes aren’t having an effect, then it could be more directly psychological,” Wells says.
What is my body telling me?
Many men find it easier to notice physical discomfort than to label emotions, so there’s a lot of power in listening to our body. Tight shoulders, low energy, restlessness, our head feeling heavy, clenching our jaws “can all be physical indicators of a wellbeing issues,” Wells says. Libido is also worth considering here.
How connected do I feel today?
“Isolation tends to creep in gradually, particularly later in life,” Wells says. This might seem insignificant, but actually, we are social creatures and being isolated can have huge mental health implications. Loneliness is something of an epidemic and can shorten life expectancy.
“Ask yourself whether you’ve had any meaningful contact with other people, however small,” Wells says. A quick conversation, messaging a friend, or seeing someone face to face when you typically don’t can improve mood and feelings of self-worth.
Have I done one thing that moves the day forward?
This question is about momentum, rather than productivity. Making the bed, going for a walk, or completing a task you’ve been putting off for longer than you wanted gives you a foothold in the day. “Action often needs to come before motivation, not the other way around,” Wells says.
What to do with my answers
Asking questions is the sort of mental equivalent of stretching. We’re pushing into a feeling, a thought, a worry, and seeing how the body responds. If there’s discomfort, there might be something to work on. The real benefit to these probes is to see how our body responds to them, and noticing any patterns.
These can be signs of where we may need to put more time aside to work on our wellbeing. “If you notice your mood is low for a day or two, it might suggest going back to basics – have you rested, eaten well, done exercises, and reduced stress where you can,” Wells offers.
If these questions help you to realise something hasn’t been quite right for a while, it might signal that looking for additional help, or talking to someone (whether a friend or a therapist) is going to be useful. Just as we would a physio(therapist).
