One in three young men had no sex last year. Porn, dating apps and declining testosterone are all playing a role — but the fix is simpler than you think
Words: David Leck Pics: Shutterstock
We’ve never had it so good sexually. At least, that’s what you’d assume. Unlimited porn, Only Fans, dating apps promising a conveyor belt of partners, and AI companions that can ‘talk dirty’. And yet men are having less sex. Not slightly less. Dramatically less.
Across the world, activity between the sheets is declining. Among young men it’s particularly stark: one in three report no sex in the last year while male sexual inactivity has nearly doubled in the past two decades. In addition, more than 60% of men aged 18 to 29 are single – higher than their female contemporaries.
This isn’t just a blip. It’s a shift. And, according to Debra Soh, the Canadian author of Sextinction, it reflects something deeper.
“I don’t think the sexless trend is temporary,” she says. “I believe it’s part of a larger problem that’s not going away anytime soon. Sex reflects emotional intimacy and connection so, if people are turning away from it, this can’t be positive.”
Surrounded by sex, starved of intimacy
We’re exposed to more sex than any previous generation yet experiencing less of it in real life.
“Technology plays a big part,” Soh explains. “It offers escapism and a way to satisfy one’s sexual and social needs without leaving the house.”
That last bit is key because, for all the talk of liberation and openness, real-world interaction has arguably become harder, not easier. The digital world offers a version of sex that’s controlled, predictable, safe and comes with no awkward silences, no rejection and, crucially, no effort.
The dopamine economy
Porn sits right at the centre of this shift and it’s not just that it’s available, it’s effective.
From a neurological standpoint, watching porn activates the same reward circuitry as actual sex. Your brain responds as though you’re part of what you’re seeing. So, when you’re regularly getting your rocks off to a screen, your system is getting a reward without any of the work.
“If a man is regularly having an orgasm from porn, this can sedate him sexually and otherwise,” Soh says. “Easy orgasms can diminish the sexual frustration that would have otherwise motivated him to ask a woman out.”
The dating minefield
Of course, even if you want to meet someone, the landscape has changed dramatically.
“It’s become socially less acceptable to talk to strangers,” says Soh. “Most men are understandably hesitant approaching a woman they don’t know in public out of fear they’ll be filmed, posted online or known as a creep or predator.”
That fear isn’t entirely irrational. Social media has raised the stakes and a bad approach isn’t just awkward it can turn reputational. And dating apps come with their own issues – algorithms, skewed gender ratios, and a tendency to reduce attraction to a split-second swipe. Soh is sceptical.
“They determine whom we see and match with but, in my opinion, they aren’t fully transparent,” she says. “We aren’t entirely in control of our decisions or their outcomes.”
In other words: you might think you’re choosing but the system may well be choosing for you.
The quiet rise of opting out
“Masculinity is going through a period of change and there’s a great deal of critique without the reassurance of a robust alternative,” says Rebecca Goldie from the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists.
“Some men don’t know where they now sit in society, how the rituals of dating work, and what is expected of them. When the rules feel unclear, people tend to default to what feels safest. For some, this means retreating. For others, it could be the avoidance of situations that force them to confront the question of what it means to be a man in 2026.”
But uncertainty around masculinity may only be part of the picture. Avoiding intimacy is often a protective mechanism because something about it feels high risk – fear of rejection, abandonment or not being good enough.
“This works short term because it protects you from discomfort but can inadvertently create a longer-term challenge as, the more you avoid, the more intimidating it becomes,” says Goldie.
Loneliness, anxiety – and the feedback loop
At the same time as this sexual famine, we’ve seen a dramatic rise in poor mental health among men.
“Loneliness and disconnection is a big theme,” Goldie says. “It can manifest as anxiety, depression or compulsive sexual habits like excessive porn use or masturbation. With less connection comes more loneliness; more loneliness equates to more anxiety; more anxiety fuels lower confidence and, ultimately, less confidence results in less dating.”
The biology you can’t see
While culture and technology are driving much of this, there’s a quieter factor at play: your hormones.
“Men’s testosterone levels have been declining for the past 50 years,” says Soh. “And research suggests this isn’t just due to age, weight or lifestyle but something in the environment.”
The exact causes aren’t fully nailed down but suspected contributors include endocrine disruptors – chemicals found in plastics, pesticides and water supplies. Why does this matter? Because testosterone isn’t just about making you horny.
“Yes, low testosterone is associated with decreased libido, but it can also result in extreme fatigue, loss of motivation, and an inability to take pleasure from life generally,” adds Soh.
In other words, the engine that drives you to pursue sex – and life more broadly – may not be firing on all cylinders.
Porn, pressure…and performance anxiety
Professor Mike Kirby, president of the British Society for Sexual Medicine, points out porn isn’t just replacing sex, it’s reshaping how men think about it.
“Porn has done a lot of damage,” he says. “It can portray sex that is unacceptable to many women leading to a disconnect in men that creates pressure. They start measuring themselves against unrealistic standards – how long they last, how hard they stay, what they should be doing or not doing.
“Performance anxiety leads to a drop in confidence. It also promotes a spike of adrenalin – and nothing switches off your erections quicker! That leads to avoidance and a feeling it’s safer not to try at all for fear of not performing.”
Why your sex life is a health issue
Here’s where it gets real because this isn’t just about dating apps or cultural trends. It’s about your health.
There’s evidence linking regular sexual activity to a range of benefits from lower stress and better cardiovascular health to improved immune function and higher quality sleep. And the news gets better. Some studies suggest cumming twice or more a week may play a role in longevity.
“That’s not to say you should treat sex like a prescription but the connection is hard to ignore,” Kirby says. “And partnered sex appears to offer additional benefits. Oxytocin – the bonding hormone – is released when we orgasm and the benefits are more pronounced in partnered sex than masturbation. Put simply, connection matters.”
The skill most men aren’t developing
There’s another piece to this that gets overlooked. Sex isn’t just something that happens.
“It’s a skill and, over time, that leads to greater pleasure and more partner satisfaction,” Goldie says. ‘People who opt out early miss that entire development process. They don’t build confidence, learn communication or understand what they – or their partner – enjoy.”
Money, status, and reality
Then there’s real-world stuff. Dating – and life generally – is expensive, leading many men to feel like they’re falling behind economically, professionally or socially. Soh points to the concept of hypergamy [the tendency to prefer partners of equal or higher status].
“If men are not financially successful, they may have difficulty attracting a partner. This can affect self-esteem and the desire to go out and date.”
Once again, the result is withdrawal. Not because men don’t want connection but because they feel they don’t qualify for it.
So, what works?
If all of this sounds bleak, the good news is the solutions aren’t complicated and Soh is clear on where to start.
The key is to think less about getting laid and more about expanding your social life. One of the easiest ways to do this is to step-up or go back to a hobby, sport or interest.
“Prioritise meeting people in real life,” she says. “Something as simple as hearing the voice of someone you care about can lower cortisol and increase oxytocin. Join mixed-sex groups centred on activities you enjoy. It removes all the pressure because you’re not there just to meet someone.”
Fix the basics first
Before stressing over dating rituals and fixating on your chances of getting lucky, it’s worth addressing the fundamentals. Fitness, diet and sleep aren’t just “health” variables, they’re directly linked to libido, performance and confidence.
“Men need to get fit for sex,” Kirby says. “Daily exercise is essential but don’t overdo it because excessive training can affect testosterone levels. Train hard, recover properly, eat well and your body will respond. And that includes better erections.”
Clean up your environment
Soh highlights something people can overlook. What we consume – digitally and physically – affects how we feel.
“It may not be entirely realistic but reduce screen time and beware social media toxicity. Limit overstimulation, cut back on ultra-processed food and be mindful of what you’re exposing yourself to – chemically and mentally. Because if your baseline is constantly hijacked, real life starts to feel underwhelming.”
If you’re struggling, say it
If a lack of sex is bothering you it’s worth addressing, says Soh.
“My concern for those who are frustrated or distressed is those feelings can bleed into other areas of life. Trying to tough it out alone isn’t always the answer and there’s no shame in speaking with a mental health professional.”
Goldie agrees but suggests something simpler. “Ask yourself: is avoiding intimacy making me happier? If the answer’s ‘no’, that’s your starting point.”
The bottom line
We’ve built a world that makes it easy to avoid discomfort, but awkward conversations, rejection and uncertainty are the things that lead to connection. And connection is where the real benefits are felt through better health, improved mood and more rewarding relationships.
So, yes, you could stay home scrolling, swiping and finding the piece of porn that gets the job done. But if you want more than that – if you want the physical, mental and emotional upside that comes with intimacy – sorry, there’s no shortcut. You’ve got to take some risks because, despite our sex obsessed world, it turns out the old-fashioned way is still the best.
• Sextinction: The Decline of Sex and the Future of Intimacy by Debra Soh is published by Simon & Schuster.
