The men who seem to have it all together are often the ones silently running on empty. Doctors say success can mask chronic stress, exhaustion and declining health until it’s too late
So many men who suffer on the inside look like they’re smashing life on the outside. But their high functioning state doesn’t mean they’re struggling any less. In fact, it could be even more risky for their health.
“Ironically, the people who are most vulnerable to burnout are often the people who are best at pushing through discomfort,” says Dr. Kenneth Ro, MD says. He’s an internal medicine and emergency physician with more than 35 years experience who’s seen countless people go into a&e with serious conditions, caused by years of self neglect.
“[People who suffer from burnout have often] built careers and lives around being dependable, productive, and resilient and because they can continue functioning, they convince themselves that nothing is wrong,” says Ro.
“Many begin to view fatigue, stress, and disconnection as normal parts of adulthood or aging. Others assume that once life slows down, they’ll finally take care of themselves.”
The problem, of course, is that often life doesn’t slow down without any conscious changes. “If anything, responsibilities tend to increase over time,” says Ro, “which is why so many people wake up years later wondering how they drifted so far from the person they used to be”.
Why are high performing men so at risk of burning out?
“Many of the men I see are successful on paper. They have careers, families, responsibilities, and accomplishments. Yet they quietly tell me they don’t feel like themselves anymore,” recalls Ro.
“Success can conceal problems,” he explains.. “Many high-performing men become exceptionally skilled at taking care of responsibilities while gradually neglecting themselves. They continue succeeding professionally while their health, recovery, and personal lives quietly move in the opposite direction.”
“High performers are often extraordinarily resilient. They can tolerate dysfunction longer than most people.” Ro says that this can mean that men can ignore warning signs telling them they’re mental health is suffering, or put things off until another time. “They push through fatigue, ignore warning signs, and convince themselves they’ll address things later. Unfortunately, later often arrives much sooner than expected.”
Ro believes that the gendered stigma around men can also cause added pressure on them to keep going when they probably shouldn’t. “Many men feel responsible for being providers, protectors, leaders, and problem-solvers. Those responsibilities can be meaningful, but they can also become isolating when men believe they have to carry them alone or never show vulnerability.”
How does stress affect our bodies?
Cortisol is a steroid hormone commonly known as our ‘stress hormone’. It produces a fight or flight response that once would have protected us in the wild, but now sets off high adrenaline levels at anything from a food shop to an email.
Consistent high cortisol levels can cause a multitude of health problems and impact almost every element of our health, including lowering testosterone levels, weight gain, mental health problems, suppressed immune system and so much more.
“Stress affects sleep, hormones, blood pressure, metabolism, cognitive function, relationships, sexual health, and longevity. The effects are often far more extensive than people realise,” says Ro.
Ro’s experiences in treating people in emergency states have led him to want to understand what lifestyle behaviours and habits can cause men to end up in these positions in the first place.
“The heart attack, stroke, or cancer diagnosis was often the final chapter of a much longer process that had been unfolding for years.”
What can you do to help yourself or someone you know with burnout?
Dr Ro now wants men to recognise the patterns that lead to fatigue, burnout, chronic disease and declining performance before those patterns become serious. But what should we do if we think we might be experiencing burnout?
“Take [symptoms] seriously,” says Dr Ro. “Recognise that feeling exhausted, disconnected, and depleted is not an inevitable part of aging,” he says.
“Burnout is much easier to reverse when addressed early. Talk about it. Ask for help if needed.” Ro also suggests looking at your lifestyle to see if you can make any adjustments to improve things. “Evaluate sleep, recovery, stress, relationships, and overall health before the problem becomes more difficult to unwind.”
“The good news is that awareness is the first step,” reassures Ro. “Don’t wait for a diagnosis, a health scare, or a crisis to begin paying attention. Small actions taken consistently can change the trajectory of your health and your life. The earlier you start, the better your odds of avoiding the regrets that so often accompany neglect.”
