Being a new dad should be one of the happiest times in a man’s life, but often men end up feeling overwhelmed, powerless and resentful. Male mental health counsellor Dom McMurray explains why
My baby son is six-months-old and I have been struggling with being a dad since he was born. I feel totally overwhelmed. I’m irritable all the time and I take it out on my partner even though she is doing the bulk of the parenting and is also exhausted. I was only able to take one week’s leave when he was born; my job is stressful and I work long hours so, by the time I get home, I just don’t have the energy for him even in the limited time we have together. I find I’m resenting my partner for not having time for me as well, but worst of all I sometimes resent my son and I’m worried I’m going to be a terrible father.
Thank you for being so open about your experiences as a new father – what you’re describing is far more common than many people realise, though it’s rarely talked about.
Becoming a parent, especially a father under pressure, can be an overwhelming and disorienting experience.
You’ve been trying to meet huge demands — emotionally, physically, and professionally — on very limited resources, and it makes complete sense that you’re feeling depleted, frustrated, and conflicted.
The fact that you’re reflecting on this and showing self-awareness suggests a great deal of care and responsibility. Feeling resentment, guilt, or detachment doesn’t make you a bad father — it makes you human.
These feelings are signals, not verdicts. They point to how much you’re carrying, and how little space you’ve had to process this huge life transition.
Self-care is vital at times like this, it may seem counterintuitive as your priority will naturally be your partner and child, but you cannot be fully there for them if you’re not OK. Short moments of rest and quiet when possible, even five minutes, can make a difference.
Don’t suffer in silence, you recognise the toll this is taking on your partner and by being open with each other about how you’re doing you can better support each other.
Focus on small, present-moment connections with your son, like eye contact or simply holding him.
And finally practise self-compassion — remind yourself you’re doing your best and keep in mind that you don’t need to be a perfect parent to be a great dad.
• About Dom
Before qualifying as a Counsellor, I worked in a creative sector for both large corporates and my own business. After the Covid lockdown I set up a local running group to provide peer to peer mental health support. This inspired my training to become a qualified counsellor. I am passionate about taking a holistic approach to wellbeing and how our physical, mental and emotional health are all connected.
